Elvis in the AM

Banana and peanut butter for breakfast...don't step on my blue suede slippers.

What's In YOUR Bathroom?

In MY bathroom I found: a pair of dirty jeans, a shirt, a fork, hot dog tongs, and a wolf mask.
What's in YOUR bathroom????

My Girls On Cultural Diversity

A conversation from the back seat...
Caylin: I wish we were Indian.  Then we'd have, like...culture and stuff.
Megan: Yeah, but where would we shop for clothes...T.J. Maxx????
Caylin: No.  Down the strip district.  They have beautiful fabric there.
Megan: Oh.

Safe Keeping

Mommy, I KNOW Caylin doesn't know where the brown plastic headband is.
Oh yeah, honey??  How do you know that??
Because I HID it.
(Snort.)  You DID?!?!  Where?
In my bin...under my bed.  She'll never find it there.
(10 minutes later...)  Okay, mommy.  I'm ready for school.
Well, Genny, you look very pretty.  (In Caylin's brown plastic headband...)
I know.

A Decision Has Been Made...

I spent the morning with my sweet, sweet niece, Sarah (5), and her GRUMPY gal pal, Genny.  (My daughter...age 4.)  Well, the natives started getting restless so I decided to do a craft with them.  Pirate telescopes outta paper towel rolls.  Fun, right??  Not when a 4 year old is GRUMPY.  Grumpy Genny does NOT listen to directions and very does NOT think papertowel-roll-pirate-telescopes are a good idea.  Sarah had finally had enough with her sidekick's behavior and said, "Genny???  Why don't you listen to your mommy??  She IS a preschool teacher, ya know!!!"  Genny's response?  GENNY'S RESPONSE?!?!?  "Yeah?!?!  Well she's not a preschool teacher YET.  Her doesn't start until SEPTEMBER."

Wow.  Decision made.  I have been on the fence as to whether or not Genny girl is ready for Kindergarten in the fall.  If she repeats preschool she will be with ME in MY preschool.  After this morning's craft disaster??  GENNY!!!!!!  Hurry up!!!  Get your shoes on...the bus is coming!!!!!

My Daughter, Megan On Nutrition

Mom?  If I have a piece of cookie cake for breakfast, does that count as having eggs?
No...no, Meg, it does not.

Frustration Is...

Frustration is mopping the entire floor with what you THOUGHT was a cup of spilled water, only to realize it was cranberry juice.  That was yesterday...the floor is STILL sticky.  Time to mop.  Again.  For the fourth time.

Lent

Spent 40 days and 40 nights abstaining from junk and I gotta say...chips that are folded up on themselves are the only chips worth eating.  If I was a millionaire-esse and had millionaire-esse money, I'd market "Folded Up On Themselves!!!" potato chips.  Mmmmm.  They'd come in sour cream and onion, too.  Grunt.

Poo Poo Platter

My life in a nutshell...just had to clean mouse poop off of my pretty, pretty crystal, Easter platter.  Seriously.

Mystery Stain

Mommy, there's wetness on my bed.  It's like...in the shape of a circle.  Smells like pee.  But I didn't did it...can I have a poptart for breakfast?  (Genny, age 4.)

I Burned My Tongue

I burned my tongue on gravy.  But it's GRAVY, and somehow that makes it all okay.

Doggy Care 101 (An Unexpected Conversation)

Mommy?  On Bella's tummy...are those boobs or ticks??
WHAT????  Oh.  Those are boobs, honey.
Oh, good.  I thought she went in the woods and got a whole bunch of ticks.  (5second pause...)  Why does she have so many boobs, mommy???
That's so she can feed all of her puppies, sweetie.
Oh.  God sure did make Bella special, mommy.
He sure did, baby girl.

Woops

Mommy...Caylin jumped on my foot on the trampoline.  I think it's broken.
No it's not.
Mommy, look at the bruise!!!
That's dirt.
(1 day later...) Mommy, my foot hurts.
No it doesn't.
(2 days later...) Mrs. Zaremski?  Your daughter's x-ray shows a break to her growth plate.  She'll need to be seen by ortho.
Oh.  Woops.

An Irish Cook And Pizza

I hate when pizza goes from almost done to awwww, shit.

Prankster Cows

The expiration date on my half and half is April 1, 2011.  Is this an April Fool's Day joke?  Somehow, somewhere on a dairy farm, two cows are high fiving (hooving?) and giggling together.  I'm sure of it.

(It's sad, but my brain really does think like this.  Really.)

Oh My God

Genny: Oh my God, mommy.  Look at the ice rink.
Mommy: Genny, PLEASE stop saying "Oh my God."
Genny: Sorry.  I keep on forgetting to say "Oh my Jesus."

Sorry, Lord.  I tried.  I REALLY tried.  But she's hopeless.  "Oh my God" it is.

A Conversation Over Waffles

(Noah to mommy as mommy is cutting his waffle...)  Mommy?
Yeah buddy...
So like, when I'm in third grade, you'll be like...40.
Noah???
Yeah?
I just spit in your waffles.

Another Coversation With Genny

Mommy?  You know Sarah's friend Kylie?
Yes??
She loves her brudder.
Well that's sweet.  Do YOU love YOUR brother?
No.
Oh.

A Conversation With Genny Through The Bathroom Door

Mommy?
Yes honey?
Well...unfortunately I don't like your kids.  I mean, I like Megan, but the rest of 'em are just so MESSY.

Oh, how I love my Genny girl...

Mortgage

Did you ever look at your checking account balance and think, "Wow!  There's more in there than I thought." so you go to the store and buy yourself $10 Paul Mitchell shampoo and $10 Paul Mitchell conditioner, then you realize, "Oh crap.  I forgot to pay the mortgage this month."???
Woops.

New Year's Resolutions

The treadmill is calling...I told her to shut up.