My Christmas List

Is Christmas really less than 8 weeks away?  OMG.  I'm prone to hives.  Christmas gives me hives.  I love, love, LOVE the holiday, but...hives.  All the baking and shopping and wrapping and planning and lists and parties...oh my God.  And the tree, the annual Christmas picture, the cards, the cleaning...CRAP!!  Two days after Christmas is my daughter's birthday and FIVE days after Christmas is our anniversary.  The entire month of December makes me itch.  Just THINKING about December makes me itch.  I'm seriously sitting here RIGHT NOW itching my arm.
BUT...Christmas means Santa. (and baby Jesus.  Sorry baby Jesus...I didn't forget you.)
This year I thought I'd give Santa a head's up and a jump start.  I hope the big guy reads blogs...

Dear Santa,

That's all. 
Oh.  And dance lessons.  I love dancing with Rob and we don't do it enough.
Thanks, Santa.  I'll leave you cookies.
Love,
Colleen

Red Ribbon Week

It's that time of year again.  Red Ribbon Week.  The purpose of Red Ribbon Week (say Red Ribbon Week 5 times fast...that's funny) is to remind students to stay drug and alcohol free.  VERY noble.  And while I honor and respect any and all efforts to keep America's children drug and alcohol free, let me say this...RED RIBBON WEEK IS TURNING ME INTO AN ALCOHOLIC!!!

Red Ribbon Week...all week, the kids are invited to participate in different activities to raise awareness about the dangers of drugs and alcohol.  For example, "Hat day"...wear a hat to school!!   "Turn Your Backs On Drugs Day"...wear your shirt backwards!!   "Red Day"...wear red to school!!  Cute.  VERY cute.  But none of the schools are participating in exactly the same way.  And we have 4 kids in 3 different schools.  That means today was simultaneously Hat day, Red Day and Team Up Against Drugs Day (wear your favorite team jersey...)
YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO A MOMMY!!!!  You just...CAN'T!!!  That's not nice!!!

Hat Day began with a cat fight between two sisters and ended with a mess in the hallway.
Red Day resulted in Isaac running up the steps in a WHITE shirt 5 minutes before the bus came and running back down the steps in a wrinkly RED shirt 3 minutes before the bus came.  I'm a tad OCD.  Can I iron your shirt please, Isaac?  Thank you.
And Team Up Against Drugs Day???  Bad.  Just...bad.  Poor little Noah.  Noah has a knack for losing things.  He found his team jersey with no problem, but the red ribbon he was supposed to pin to it???  Gone.  Nowhere to be found.  Will probably never be seen again.  We searched his room, his book bag, under the couches and under the couch cushions.  We looked in the van, the dirty laundry, and under his bed.  Gone.  The damn thing just disappeared.  Noah missed the bus and his daddy ended up driving him to school.  He cried the whole way.  (Noah, not his daddy...)

I have no idea what tomorrow will bring but I am sure it will be just as stress and tear inducing.
I need a drink. 
See?????  I need a drink.  And possibly valium.  That's drugs AND alcohol.  Red Ribbon Week is lost on me.

Divorce???

13 years, 9 months and 29 days ago I became a mommy.  I remember sitting in a rocking chair at the hospital, nursing this most precious gift from God and thinking, "NO ONE is EVER going to do this for my baby girl at a daycare center.  No one is going to hold her, rock her, nurse her, and love her the way I do..."  I became a full-time mommy and housewife in that instant.  I couldn't have been happier... 

Wasn't she adorable??  This morning, that same most precious gift from God declared that her biggest wish and most hopeful dream is to divorce me.  She's coming home from school today at 3:15 and her first order of business is to research lawyers.  She said she's going to need a good one.  She wants parental emancipation.  Now, on a bad day, this would've sucker-punched me in the gut and brought on a torrential downpour of mommy tears.  But not today.  Today is a good day.  Guess I'm not premenstrual.  Or maybe my meds are working.  I don't know.  Either way...today is a good day and all I could do was laugh.  Divorce?  I asked her to dry her hair!  That's all.  "Dry your hair, honey."

See how wet her hair is??  We were at a water park this summer...  Honest to God, her hair was just as wet this morning.  It was dripping on the floor and soaking her shirt.  "Honey, PLEASE dry your hair."

Her reaction was so comical that I decided to post the whole thing on Facebook.  Mommies and daddies alike responded with their own stories and sage advice.  I felt like I'd been given a hug. That's when I decided to start this, my second blog...a blog about the comings and goings of a housewife.  Sometimes being a stay-at-home-mommy and housewife is so isolating.  There are days that I truly feel I am going this alone and no one could possibly relate to my crazy life.  But then I open up and hear, "Oh my God, that has happened to me, too."  Hearing those words is like hitting an instant decompress button.  I can exhale the breath I didn't know I was holding, and I feel...better.  Sane.  Hugged and understood.
Well...I like hugs and I like being understood.  So I'm gonna share.  Probably daily.  Hugs are nice.